In the context of my comfortable life (which I complain endlessly about) I haven't had a lot of exciting stuff going on lately.
At the moment my life consists largely of
A) school work and revising which teachers seem to think I have an endless amount of time for
B) listening to my friend complain about her sex life
C) getting into passive aggressive conflict with various people and then bitching about it on the internet
D) trying not to get fired from my job
None of which are really LIFE AFFIRMING or GRATIFYING
Therefore down to a lack of time for creativity and a great deal of laziness, most of the fun I get out of life at the moment comes from
1) being sarcastic
2) giving all my teachers bitchface until they look unnerved
3) not removing eye makeup for that perfect I've-been-punched-in-both-eyes look
4) playing minesweeper
5) comparing myself to other people
6) hating everyone younger and more successful than me
Basically, I have been wallowing quite satisfactorally in a sea of negativity and self-pity which other people would find despair inducing, but which I find relaxing. It's kind of my default setting, inwardly hating everyone and everything, to the extent that when I experience someone or something which makes me feel otherwise I panic. I can't cope with wanting people to like me, or having my feelings hurt and when I can't brush things off with my normal excuse of 'other people are idiots', I feel confused. When I'm falling behind with school work, or having some kind of emotional struggle I almost become a nicer person, becuase I care more about other people, and whether or not they like me.