despite all the grand plans I had for this summer, I haven't really acted out any of them. The shock of having nothing to do has made me do nothing, or at less nothing which involves too much movement/I social interaction, so mostly emailing and reading and crochet. I read Never Let Me Go, which I enjoyed. I like the way the story was made up of all these small non linear anecdotes which pieced together, in the way most people actually recall memories. I am now reading another Sherlock Holmes book as a kind of in between while I try and find something else I really want to read, which is kind of difficult thanks to the lame selection of books they have at the library near me.
Mostly listening to morbid music/watching morbid films. Maybe to match my mood? Idk but I find creepy stuff exciting. It's helping build up my sense of anticipation about this summer which is currently horribly lacking. Also I hate sunny weather/the general 'forced fun' feel of summer so I like to shut myself up in the gloom and pretend that blue skies don't exist.
Listening to a lot of Lana del rey, especially ultraviolence. I love her voice, and the lazy, disillusioned tone of her songs, but like most semi-conscientious people I find some aspects of her worrying, aka her fetishising chasing older men/violent relationships, and her saying she finds feminism 'boring'. I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion and you can't force anyone to like feminism because that would ruin the point of it. But imagine how amazing a feminist Lana del rey would be?! My crazy cool blogger pal Amelia did a funny sketch based on her fader magazine interview.
Like a lot people I made a to do list for the summer which started simply enough, like
1. choose computer
2. dye hair pink/purple/blue? Been trying to compile inspiration for possible colours
3. make louise belcher bunny ears hat (might clash with hair?)
4. watch all of the 179 films on your imdb watchlist
5. audition for some kind of acting role
6. finish crochet blanket
7. listen to new music every day (see below)
But then it kind of morphed into a list of things i want to have become by the time I leave home:
1. stand taller + don't shrink away when someone you don't know speaks to you. I don't mind being introverted but I hate how weak and mumbly I go in certain situations. Listening to as much Kanye as possible to try and boost self confidence.
2. cut off everyone who you actually don't like that much. This probably sounds kind of cold but I really don't see the point in keeping in touch with people I don't enjoy talking to. My social capacity is easily exhausted and therefore cannot be wasted on people I can only just bear to be polite to.
3. don't be afraid to ask for stuff. At the moment my fear of rejection/conflict basically rules how I live my life (ie very quietly and disappointingly) and I am sick of this. A lot of the stuff I want to do requires asking for/actively seeking out and I need to get over my terror of doing this. Reading this rookie article helped a lot.
Etc. etc.... basically I have promised myself that this will be the summer where I finally get my shit together instead of lounging around avoiding responsibilities for 2 months